Today we’d like to introduce you to Kate Anthony.
Kate, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
I got divorced ten years ago. I’d been in a super-volatile marriage and had been questioning whether I should stay or go for at least two years in earnest before we finally split.
My ex and I had the kind of marriage that was so volatile that most people didn’t want to be around us. He’d bristle at me whenever I opened my mouth; I’d contort my voice or behavior to try to please him. He’d give me a list of everything I did or said that was “wrong” whenever we left a social situation; I’d try to do “better” next time—and then be accused of being inauthentic.
It was a classic and toxic codependent union that was unbearable to witness, let alone experience.
Even so, we were willing to do anything to save our marriage to save our family. We had a small child and we didn’t want to “break” him. We went to group couples therapy. We attended individual couples therapy. We were both in individual solo therapy. And we were both in 12-Step Programs. This went on for ten years. We were truly willing to do whatever it took to save our marriage.
But none of it worked.
When we finally called it quits, we had a toolbox overflowing with tools that didn’t save our marriage but helped us get through our divorce like champs.
When we finally got divorced, I became the go-to source for how to do divorce “well.” Eventually, I went back to school to become certified as a coach and have spent the last ten years studying relationships, divorce, communication, and emotional intelligence and coaching hundreds of women on how to not just survive, but thrive through their divorces.
I am also the host of the critically acclaimed podcast, The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, that has landed on at least four top-ten lists in the last year.
While 50% of first marriages end in divorce in the U.S., 68% of second marriages also end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages do too.
The divorce rate for second and third marriages is higher because we don’t do the work on ourselves to figure out what went wrong the first time around; we blame our exes for everything that went wrong, and then turn around and repeat the same patterns all over again. And again, and again, and again…all the while blaming our trail of exes for our relationship failures, and damaging our children in the process.
My primary focus in working with women through divorce is to help them avoid repeating whatever patterns got them to this point in the first place. When we’re able to take personal responsibility and stay out of blame, even the most volatile and toxic marriages can end in loving and collaborative divorces.
I’m living proof of that possibility.
I now help women make the biggest decision of their lives: should I stay or should I go? and then help them through the divorce process if that ends up being their choice.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
People often compare the relationship they have with their current or soon-to-be-ex with the one I have with my ex-husband, and I always have to remind them that I’ve been divorced for ten years. It took ten years for my ex and I to end up the friends we truly are today and we’ve gone through a LOT to get here, including a period of a couple of years during which we barely spoke.
When you get divorced and have kids, you’re tethered to this other person for the rest of your life. Literally. The rest of your life. And while much of how that goes is a choice, it’s also a long journey. Many of the choices my ex has made in his life in the last ten years have deeply impacted my life, and vice versa. Finding healthy boundaries isn’t always a cut-and-dry process. It’s often a try-and-fail process, and that’s had to be ok—for both of us!
My ex and I are still capable of hurting each other deeply, and we’ve become more and more conscious of this over the years, and far more protective of each other’s feelings than we ever were when we were married. But again, we’ve landed here after YEARS of getting it very wrong.
It’s been challenging to find balance around running a business based off of my divorce experience, especially in the more difficult times. I’ve had to own my story in some uncomfortable ways and do additional healing in some key areas in order to bring authenticity to my work.
I’ve done more growth and healing in divorce than I probably ever could have in my marriage, and it’s that process that I want to bring to my clients as well.
Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about The Divorce Survival Guide – what should we know?
I am the host of The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, and the creator of the groundbreaking coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? that helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using life coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work.
I empower women to find their strength, passion, and confidence even in the most disempowering of circumstances and help them move forward with concrete plans set on a solid foundation, putting their children at the center (not in the middle) of all of their decisions.
I’m most known for (and most proud of) my podcast and for helping women make the most difficult decision of their lives—should I stay or should I go?
The podcast reaches about 20K listeners per month, which tells me that people are really hungry for this information. I’m proud that I often get feedback from people saying that my podcast has helped their marriages as it has so much relevant and important relationship advice.
People often assume I’m pro-divorce. I’m not. I’m pro-healthy, happy relationships and I believe that everyone deserves to be happy and fulfilled in their most intimate relationships. I help people move closer to that happiness and fulfillment, whether it’s in their current relationship of their next one.
What truly sets me apart is my no-bullshit approach and my authenticity. I’m not the kind of coach who tries to create the image of unattainable perfection. I’m most impactful when I’m sharing my struggles and failures, past and present. I am also highly educated and researched in my field, so take a clinical approach in an accessible, f-bomb-wrapped package.
Is there a characteristic or quality that you feel is essential to success?
The most important thing I can do to be as successful as I envision is to continue doing the work on myself to heal and grow with my own coach and therapist.
This is important to my success as a coach because I can only ask my clients to go as far as I’ve gone. I absolutely cannot ask my clients to do work I haven’t done. And my success as a coach isn’t determined by the dollars I’ve earned, but in the transformation of the women I work with. That’s truly most important to me.
My own work is also important to my success because I’ve had to come up against many of my own demons and critics around success and visibility, and when you run your own business with you at the center of the brand, you can’t be afraid and duck out of the spotlight.
My willingness to do this harder work on myself allows me to be vulnerable and authentic and openly speak from a place of authority with my inner critic and imposter syndrome (relatively) at bay!
Pricing:
- Rooted (introductory course) $197
- Should I Stay or Should I Go? (signature program) $497
- Private Coaching $2997 (12 private sessions with bonuses and perks)
- The ULTIMATE Divorce Survival Guide (digital download) $27
Contact Info:
- Website: www.kateanthony.com
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachKateAnthony/
Image Credit:
Caroline White Photography
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