Today we’d like to introduce you to Dr. Jennifer Johnston-Jones.
Dr. Johnston-Jones let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
When I first became a mother, I was clueless. Although I had been teaching parenting for years, before I had children (not ideal), my parenting was “by the book” – literally. I had read almost every parenting book I could get my hands on and was well-versed in the latest neuroscience, child development, and psychology, but in no way was I prepared for the inner work that was required of me. In times of stress such as the middle of the night feedings where I was so exhausted I wanted to cry, I would refer to my internal catalog of parenting research looking for the most appropriate response to “What new neuroscience research do we know about infant sleep?” As you can see, I was coming from an intellectual rather than a relational mindset. And, no surprise, more often than not there were no answers.
That is when I became aware of the need to go raise myself and started my examination of the true meaning of parenting as a relationship, rather than as a verb. I realized that parenting is a developmental relationship process rather than something we “do” to our children. I came to realize the power of raising children as a deeply powerful transformational opportunity to heal our wounds and grow into our truest potential, our best selves.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Sometimes, when my daughter broke down in a temper tantrum, I became so upset myself that I would distract her to try to get her to stop crying. At the time, I wasn’t aware that this distraction tactic didn’t allow her to feel or express what was inside of her and also a sign that I was having trouble with handling such behavior. While I had the psychological understanding that tantrums are an important way of releasing negative emotions, seeing my baby sad was almost intolerable to me because I hadn’t completed healing my own internal wounds.
For each age that she passed, I would have a slight subconscious awareness of my own feelings at that age. As she yearned for me to hold her, I recognized my own preverbal memories as a baby yearning to be held, so I held her deeply. I began to realize that her cries triggered awareness in my own subconscious wounds that were asking to be healed. I didn’t always have specific memories, but I had felt that came up. This is common as before we learn to speak, our memories are less related to words, and more related to feelings. And of course, I also was aware of memories that I could recall clearly that still brought up feelings. I didn’t want to pass onto my children any unhelpful patterns or ways of thinking I had learned in my own childhood, whether I was aware of them or not. I wanted to raise both of my children to their highest potential.
Please tell us about Transformational Parenting.
Transformational Parenting helps us see that our children help to raise us. By recognizing our reactions to their behaviors and being aware of our internal goings-on, parent and child can effectively work together to develop into our best selves. Can you imagine what the world would be like if all adults took full responsibility for their personal development? It may sound unrealistic, but I strongly believe, and most experts in human development will agree with me, that the most effective way to co-create a peaceful and (dare I say) joyful world is to actively work on ourselves. As we know from psychological research, there is no better way to do so than in relationships…and the most powerful relationship we can potentially have is with our children. We must heal ourselves and prioritize our relationship with our children. Simply by being willing to resolve issues that resulted from the way we were parented, and becoming more conscious of what we need to work on by noticing how we are triggered by our children, powerful change will occur.
We’ve inherited our parents’ unhealed wounds, and it’s our job to make sure our children don’t inherit ours. Along the way, we can not only prevent the negative but we can improve the trajectory: raise your- self along the way, and in the process create more joy and peace in your family and future generations.
Do you look back particularly fondly on any memories from childhood?
I refuse to pick just one childhood memory, as I am grateful for so much of my childhood, but what’s coming to me at this moment is one particular memory with my father. The simple joy of being a child and laughing until my belly hurt smiling so much that my jaw hurt happened frequently because of a silly game my father would play with my siblings and I. My dad used to chase my siblings and me around the house while we would scream in laughter and try to hide from him. When he caught us, he would lift us up and carry us over his shoulder. It was pure joy, and just a simple act, but it was one of my favorite memories, my father’s joyfulness and willingness to play with us as if he were a child made us feel so loved.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.DrJennifer.com
- Phone: 3108946597
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjenniferjones/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Dr.JenniferJones/
Image Credit:
Gabby Smith
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