Today we’d like to introduce you to Jessie Santiago and Cal Bigari.
Jessie and Cal, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
Wow, this is a hard question. For both of us, our journey began separately, at different times. A “short-ish” version: For Cal: I was raised and socialized as a female. I came into my transgender identity in college after meeting another trans man and seeing so many things fall into place. I began exploring my gender and ultimately decided to transition. The process has been wild, exciting, terrifying, and absolutely worth every tear.
One challenge place through the process was grooming and getting haircuts. Not one to fit into expected ideas of gender, the hair salons and barbershops that seemed built around traditional gender were nerve wracking. I’d go in, head down, and ask for whatever the guy before me had. It never turned out all that well. Wanting to look good, feel good, and express my unique gender was the precursor of Benders’.
On the flip side- Jessie (myself) was working for some high end corporate hair salons on the east coast. Having grown up poor, a person of color, with lesbian moms in Virginia, conversations in a setting like an upscale salon was nothing short of confusing. I often felt like I was playing a role in a movie. Telling myself and co-workers, “my break is over, the show must go on.”
I struggled through life as a young person with my sexuality and gender expression. Not in ways of a trans person, but in the way of a QUEER, poor person of color. Luckily, I always had my family, but I never saw a reflection of myself out in the world, so I had to pretend to be someone else. This often meant lying about not having a significant other or adjusting their gender in conversations – Hiding the details of those I loved. Over a decade of this facade can really begin to reek havoc on one’s life. But, I kept going because I LOVE DOING HAIR! And, I’m pretty good at it too.
I have a unique skill, almost like an intuition, I giggle and say, I have a hairy intuition… this little voice inside my mind that tells me exactly what the person needs and how to do it. I even had this skill as a child. I knew at a very young age that I would be a hairstylist because of this intuition. Fast forward 17ish years- after many insane relationships and hardships, Cal and I met on a dating website…Dusty, worn down, with little to no patience left. We both wanted to find love. Mature love that felt grounded and real. Both of us came into the relationship over the drama and unwilling to take any more. So, we dove in.
We started be sharing stories about ourselves and our families, our queerness, our gender journeys. We found each other’s stories extraordinary and found so many similarities. For me, that was the beginning of this business and this romance. See, when I met Cal, he had a pretty horrible haircut that he rushed to get moments before meeting me for the first time. I mean, he was about to go on a date with a fancy hairstylist. His beard was patchy and his face broken out. Being socialized female, no one ever taught him about masculine grooming or skin care.
He transitioned his presentation from female to male and had no skills to do so regarding his appearance. So, I taught him and it began. He said, “do you realize what you have done for me? I have struggled since my transition to feel fully expressed, and here you come and POOF!” We began thinking and putting ideas together and swirling our creativity together. We basically fantasized about all the things our hair salon could be, we even had a name for our sweet little business, but they were just fantasies.
One day I came home from my job in Manhattan Beach, (a very fancy, upscale part of town) and was ruined by my day and by the conversations being had around me. I cried, I curled up in his arms and said – That’s it. I’m done with this career. He said, “maybe it’s time to do this thing.” And, we did. Here we are – Clients in our chair in the most beautiful and unique building. Cal is learning how to do hair, and loving it. We are meeting the most amazing people and meeting the needs of a once “unseen” group of people. “We see you, and we love you already,” is how we sign off our emails and messages. It’s true. Now, I have a place to go to work and be “me” and so does he. It’s amazing, and we feel blessed!
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Gosh- not a smooth road. We were turned away by many people. Either because of how young we look or because of our niche’ business idea. We weren’t going to lie EVER again. Whoever worked with us, for us, or around us was going to know exactly what we stood for. That was a huge challenge.
In fact, we almost gave up because we couldn’t find a venue. After we found the space, Cal had to leave almost the whole time the space was being prepared. He had a previous obligation for the whole summer. That left just me to hire and work with all of the contractors. I had to make all the decisions and live life in a “mans” world for a while.
That was well, crappy and empowering. Cal struggled too, he was away from Home working for a company that he loved but wasn’t his own. During that time too, he had some pretty deep family tragedies. Yeah- it was really hard.
Please tell us about Benders’ Collective.
We are a space of expression. We speak LGBTQIA language, and we live the lifestyle. Often people say, sure, we’re queer friendly. We say, sure! We’re straight friendly!
We specialize in queer and intentional hair services. I have a background in meditation and energy work, so we have added complementary services to each person’s visit that helps one get into their bodies. We do the small things like, have a clean and safe non-gendered bathroom, ask people’s pronouns and honor them, we make custom blended herbal tea for each customer reflecting their moods and how their bodies feel.
We want marginalized communities to spend their time and money with us and feel GREAT about it. We also have a beautiful outdoor space that we open to the community that has hosted events like self-defense classes, book clubs, clothing swaps, art shows, and SO MUCH MORE.
Marginalized communities often get marginal and “less than great” services. We believe these people are impeccable and powerful, and should be treated kindly and with dignity and respect. The building we are in also has a fascinating tale. It’s over 100 years old and has an amazing story of transformation. All around, it’s an awesome space.
If you had to go back in time and start over, would you have done anything differently?
I think we both would have just done this sooner. This journey has been beautiful. All the mistakes, we see as discoveries. We’re still learning.
Contact Info:
- Address: 957 E. 4th street Long Beach, Ca 90814
- Website: Salonbenders.com
- Phone: 562.528.8804
- Email: [email protected]
Getting in touch: VoyageLA is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.
