An Inspired Chat with Camille Cabrera of Sherman Oaks

Camille Cabrera shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Camille, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. What is a normal day like for you right now?
As a writer on a book tour, each day is different! I am so grateful to be doing what I love for a living. I try to write for at least 45 minutes at night. I prefer to write during the night because I consider myself a bit of a night owl. I try to keep a flexible routine with a few set standards. For example, I like to have my morning cup of coffee and set time aside at the end of the day to read. If possible, I like to exercise in the morning before even opening an email. When working and traveling, each day deviates from normal, but that’s what makes it so memorable!

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Thank you for having me! Hi, I’m Camille Cabrera. I’m a 30-time bestselling independent mystery author. My love of reading and writing led me down this winding path. I had originally planned to become a lawyer, but I suppose my heart intended for me to become an author. At least one part of me knew what was going to happen. A very happy change, in my opinion. As we speak, I think it’s important to mention that I recently published my 12th novel with another on the way. I can’t imagine a world where I’m not attempting to express myself through art. In this world? I took a leap of faith that came closely tied to my stubborn persistence and a healthy helping of luck.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
Well, I suppose we’re done with the icebreaker question! Haha, I have a few thoughts on this question, so stay with me. I think a ton about this for my personal and professional life. As a writer, I try to see and perceive other perspectives on a daily basis. People want to feel seen and cared for at their core. Ironically? Sometimes feeling cared for and feeling seen can be scary. It’s not the acts of feeling seen or feeling cared for that are scary, but what they represent. The what-ifs, if allowed to flourish, will accidentally sabotage even the strongest of bonds. Why? Because what-ifs of doubts and insecurities detract from the vulnerability, care, and communication needed to strengthen the bond.

Bonds between people are often as fragile as they are strong. That’s because I’ve found that it doesn’t necessarily require a directly negative behavior to ruin a bond. Instead? It’s a simple absence. The absence of qualities required for a bond to thrive. For example, a strong bond requires trust and care as well as empathy. People with a strong bond recognize the importance of vulnerability and communication. Vulnerability and communication encourage trust and foster more willingness to grow, even during uncomfortable or uncertain situations.

In contrast, a lack of empathy, trust, and care can just as quickly dissolve a bond. I like to think of it like we’re trying to build a wonderful sandcastle with someone. When we talk with the other person and keep them in mind, we are able to add new floors and exciting turrets to the castle. When we ignore what the other person has to say or refuse to engage in vulnerability, we are no longer building with sand. In fact, we are erasing the sand castle (the relationship) like waves crawling along the beach. Eventually, the sand will return into the sea, and the sand castle will cease to exist as it was.

As a hopeless romantic and chronically curious creature, I like to think that most bonds can be restored through time and care. Yes, some situations are the exception, but most relationships, whether stunted by surface-level hesitations like distance or fear or timing or miscommunication, can often be fixed through mindful care, communication, and vulnerability.

Of course, it all depends. No self-help book fully encapsulates the details, unsaid rules, and necessities that make each bond thrive. Why? Each bond we share with another person follows a different set of rules. When entering a bond, we are entering a partnership with a distinctly unique person than ourselves. We have the opportunity to build with a person who has lived a different life and earned an extraordinary perspective.

When did you last change your mind about something important?
I recently changed my mind about the expectations surrounding love and the definition of family. Growing up, I had this very structured, essentially rigid, understanding of family. It didn’t allow for leeway or the surprises of life. I recently experienced a situation where I delved deeper into the concept of chosen family while also relinquishing my previous expectations surrounding what it meant to love and be loved. I found that adding chosen family to my previous understanding of the term family expanded my circle. It also added new weight to relationships that I held dear. Expanding the definition of family allowed me to embrace friends as family, and that mentally allowed me to hold them more tenderly in my heart and in my mind. The other kicker? I also changed my long held ideas on love. Why? Because I found that it’s much easier to fully experience people without set expectations about what people can do or should do for you. I relinquished many of my expectations and instead decided to take the approach that people show up in our lives exactly how they are. It’s not to be fixed, but embraced. Only people can fully decide to change themselves. So two major realizations all within the last quarter of the year. All said? I’m extremely proud that I embraced the expansion of the term family while also rejecting common expectations regarding love and what it means to provide and perceive love.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What truths are so foundational in your life that you rarely articulate them?
I want to live a life that makes the unseen feel seen. Perhaps that’s because I feel closely aligned with the unknowns and the outliers. It’s a core tenant of my life. I won’t elaborate because I don’t unravel my core beliefs on paper or a verbal interview. Or anywhere! They need to be held and cherished in my heart. I’ve sat with them long enough to recognize where they’ve come from. Oddly enough, I owe my entire career to my core beliefs. As a child, I felt life very deeply. I turned to books and different fictional worlds to foster that sentiment. Reading deepened my sense of empathy and in turn my empathy broadened my willingness to meet other people and creatures exactly where they stand. It’s a bit of a catch-22 to accept both the tangible and intangible qualities of life, because it often leaves room for knowing.

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. If immortality were real, what would you build?
I like to believe that immortality exists but not in the commonly understood version of the word. Immortality exists where our egos end and other people begin. We are immortal when we help other people. We are immortal when we help the planet. We are immortal when we stand for good even in the face of great personal peril. Certain actions resonate beyond our own lives and extend beyond our own timelines. Those actions make us immortal.

It’s like a whalefall, which by the way is a bittersweet fascination (of mine) and process. If done properly, an ended life is a life that’s just starting. To go back to the term whalefall, a whalefall happens after a whale has passed. The body of the whale “falls” through the water and lands at the bottom of the ocean and that’s where life starts all over again. The whale’s body or carcass creates an entirely new ecosystem which extends potentially hundreds of years after the whale’s mortal life ended. The mortal death of the whale is not the end, it is a transformation. A shift from one form and purpose to the next. I think if we’re lucky enough to improve the lives around us, then we have the chance to achieve immortality.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: thecamillecabrera

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