Angela Caldwell shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Hi Angela , thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What is a normal day like for you right now?
Insane. It’s October, so the school has decided to drive me off a cliff by scheduling Halloween parties, bake sales, social studies projects, food drives, PTA meetings, and parent conferences in rapid fire emails. The holidays are coming, so clients suddenly want to meet two to three times per week as they manage their dread and push my professional calendar to the limit. Soccer season is in full swing, we need new health insurance, and I’m trying to finish a book. I’d say “normal” has gone out the window, and I just try to get as much done as possible from the moment I wake up to the moment I collapse in bed. The good news is I do remember both my kids’ names, and my husband remains the unmovable boulder in this raging river called October. When November comes, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief and attempt to resume some kind of regular routine.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, and I’ve been practicing, teaching, and presenting on family therapy for 20 years now. It may sound a little strange, but I’m a rare breed in my larger field, as most therapists work with either individuals or couples. Working with families is a different sport altogether, and I’ve managed to develop a skill set that allows me to manage multiple personalities, spot layered dynamics, and execute tactical maneuvers in a room filled with people who love-hate each other.
My work has led me to the conclusion that we have to stop thinking of “parenting” as being the sole responsibility of the parents. I’ve been doing this for decades now, and I have yet to meet a parent who isn’t desperate for assistance. I’m on a crusade to shift the way our American society raises children, and my first move is to publish a book about how to become the village we all hear about in the proverb. I want to teach brothers how to brother, aunts how to aunt, and neighbors how to neighbor with specific focus on impacting and influencing children that aren’t theirs. It’s time for us to wake up and realize that our hands-off approach isn’t helping anyone, and we are all responsible for the future of this planet, which will lie in the hands of the next generations. It’s everyone’s job to help raise awesome kids.
Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
Hahahaha, I’m just imagining my father’s answer to this question being something along the lines of, “No one could ever tell that girl what to do, much less who to be.” Early in life, I received a gift that I have learned over time very few little girls receive, and that was a parent who coached me to always question authority. My dad never blindly accepted a truth on its face, nor automatically deferred to a superior simply based on their superiority. He taught me how to have the courage to say what I think, even if I was the only kid in class saying it. He forged his own path, was terribly successful, and expected all of us to do the same.
Society told me I was a girl, and therefore couldn’t do math, play sports or pursue leadership, so my parents put me in an all-girls school that refused the gender difference and demanded students lead, excel, and achieve. Society told me my voice should be quiet, so my parents pushed me to run for student council and write op eds to the local newspaper. I’ve had the thought before that because I was expected to be strong, independent, and freethinking—a far cry from what I understand other girls are taught—I may not have even been aware of my gender difference in my younger years.
I don’t necessarily relate to the oppression that a lot of women felt before they broke out of their shells and really became who they are today. My experience won’t be inspiring to others as they think about themselves, but if they are parents, perhaps it could inspire them to actively fight against what society tells them about their little girls.
Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
Sure. Lots. But my near-quitting hasn’t really been based in frustration or overwhelm or an I-can’t-do-this notion. I definitely have those moments, but what drives me to those near-quitting moments is far more dangerous because it’s based in the physics law of inertia: a sense of complacency.
Because I want to do so much and participate in all the world has to offer, I’m a person who gets very easily overwhelmed. I say yes too much, and there’s always too much on my plate. That’s my norm. When anxiety inevitably sets in, and I worry that I won’t get something done, or I’m frustrated that things are taking longer than I want them too, I sometimes try to use a realistic perspective to calm myself. I think, “You know what? Life is pretty good. If things don’t get done, it’s not the end of the world. I should be happy with what I am and what I have.” This seems like a super healthy thought, right? And it is, usually! But I sometimes let myself get sucked into that warm blanket a little too deeply. I calm my anxiety, yes, but I go a little too far sometimes and become somewhat inert. I justify my “doing nothing” or wasting time with that same healthy thought, and suddenly, my healthy thought turns into my enemy, and I catch myself in the dangerous trap of complacency. Weirdly enough, I usually need a jolt of anxiety to knock me back into my normal productive mode.
So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. What would your closest friends say really matters to you?
I literally asked my husband this question, and he said, “family, community, and expression, in that order.” He’s probably right. Family is probably obvious to you at this point. Community is profoundly important to me because I am so dependent on mine and don’t really get how to live without one. So I take seriously my obligation to participate in my community with volunteering, doing favors, attending social events, and introducing people to one another. I can quite comfortably ask a neighbor to pick up my kids when I’m in a bind, or a friend to drop me off at the airport, because I willingly do the same for them. We’re all in this together, and that phrase isn’t just a motivational poster to me, it’s a military command.
He said “expression,” and I think I see why. There’s the fact that I don’t shut up very easily, which I’m sure charms him to the core. But probably what he’s referring to is this mantra I say to my girls each night about “strong mind, strong voice.” When I have a problem with someone or something, I say so, and so does he. So when our kids have a problem with a teacher or coach or friend, we push them to confront them. For better or worse, “I don’t want to talk about it” isn’t really a permissible answer in our house, so our girls are learning to say out loud what they’re thinking and feeling. This is also deeply important to me, especially in a world where people are being shushed a little too frequently.
Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
Buying things. I just buy too many things I don’t need, and then they come in so much packaging that I almost cry about what I’m contributing to the landfill. I’ve gotten to the point where I cringe every time I press “place order” on Amazon. My daughters are learning about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch in school, and I’m starting to drown in guilt over how much waste I generate as a single human. If I knew I had 10 years left, I’d make an honest effort at a zero-waste existence.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.angelacaldwell.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_angelaccaldwell_
- Other: https://bsky.app/profile/angelacaldwell.bsky.social
