Today we’d like to introduce you to Jerod Zavistoski.
Jerod, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
So there are a lot of books out there on Pick Up Artistry, seduction and dating. I had never read any of them until after I wrote this book. My friend said it was good idea to get to know the competition. I never really cared what my competition was, nor did I feel like I had anything to compete with. Hell, I never thought this was stuff I needed to teach.
This was just my experience.
Armed with a burning desire to get better with girls and driven by an addiction to challenge myself and step outside my comfort zone I went out blind. I tried everything I could think of. When I failed enough times, I finally decided this was idiotic. Why was I thinking about what girls wanted from my own male perspective? I realized that I needed to get out of my own head and let go of the assumptions I’ve made and be willing to take on the greatest challenge; the challenge of being honest with myself and women.
Too many times I had approached women with an idea I believed to be true, with no idea as to where I had formed that belief. Over the course of our lives we collect experiences and limiting beliefs from our environment. It was time to change that. How you might ask? The answer is in the question. I literally just started asking women. I could’ve went online and read dating advice. I could have searched the Internet for help and probably end up in some PUA training camp. But I’m glad I didn’t, because in the end I maintain the pride that all of my information is organic. All of my information came from the source… Women.
I was out one night and there was a particularly homely older gentleman who used to hang out beside the entrance to my apartment in Hollywood. He would stand there, while people watching and chitchat with the other people who lived in the complex. Night after night he saw me come home with extremely pretty women. He asked me once “How does a guy get to be like you?” I laughed and told him that I grew up poor, fat, insecure, awkward and socially inept, but that I kept working at it until I got to where I am now. He didn’t seem to believe me. And no one ever does. Because I had worked so hard at it, it became very natural to me. It was a flattering testament to how well my methodology worked, however I’ve never been super enthused when people say they don’t believe that I was ever awkward or socially inept.
Flattering as it might be, it completely negates the hard work I had to put in. And I can’t stand seeing that look in someone’s eyes when they don’t think they got a fair shake in life. I wasn’t given a fair shake either, but I chose not to dwell on it and I actively made my life into what I wanted it to be. Part of that process was getting better with girls. In an effort to prove myself to this admitted 40-year-old virgin, I began to break my system down. Until this time I had done most of my work off of instinct, trial and error and I had practiced until it became natural. I had never really broken my system down to anyone before. Especially not into something I could teach. This was never something I intended to teach, nor did I think there was a market for it. But I enjoy teaching, so over the next few days I humored this gentleman for an hour or so before I went out.
What I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t the only one giving him advice. He had found another friend, a mutual friend of ours to ask for help. I had been unaware of this, so when my friend (a Pick Up Artist) approached me and said, “I didn’t know you were a member of the seduction community,” I just stared at him blankly. Honestly, I thought it might have been code to grasp some concept that was lost on me. Like there was some hidden meaning or compliment attached. It even crossed my mind that he was joking about the time I took one of his queen-of-the-underworld rocker chicks home.
After he inquired a little more he realized I had never heard of Neil Strauss or Mystery or the “not so secret” society of pick up artists and that I wasn’t faking my reaction.
This got me thinking a little bit. I really took pride in my development. Most of this is what I would strongly consider self-development, not exactly dating advice. The idea that someone else was teaching what I thought to be original and unique to me, really pissed me off.
I didn’t want my Methodology even remotely associated with seduction being a player or a pick up artist.
I had worked really hard on asking girls what they liked in order to become exceptional at giving it to them. I never wanted to pick up girls; I wanted a girlfriend. I never tried to trick or persuade or bamboozle girls into sleeping with me. To me that was sleazy. I wanted to be awesome and likable. I wanted to learn to treat women amazingly and make them feel good when they were around me. My goal was to become magnetic. So, I endeavored to find out what this stuff was. After I had a solid draft done and I could be sure that I had all my organic thoughts on paper so I couldn’t confuse my information, I read the books from the top guys in the industry, and met some PUAs. Some of the information was similar but there were some huge differences in what I believed to be proper when it came to women.
And I feel like it’s important to explain that differentiation.
First of all, my system is to aspire to be what women want, while uncovering and building a man’s pre-existing character. Not to make up and rehearse lines and stories in order to con them into thinking that you have character. Second, my system is different in that if it compromises good character, then the girl isn’t worth it. Third, I was raised by my mom and my sister and if I caught someone trying to seduce or “Neg” them, they would promptly lose their teeth. It’s not okay to treat women like meat and it’s not okay to hurt their self-esteem in the process. I don’t care if it works or not. It’s character comprising and foul. There is a sleazy undertone to Pick Up Artistry. It’s not ok to go out and psychologically manipulate women into liking you in a severely douchey way, just to sport fuck them, and leave them at the end of the night… feeling like they made a mistake… You.
I cover this technique in an earlier chapter, but one of the techniques I use to get a girl’s interest is to start teaching someone in front of her. Has it ever occurred to the PUA community that some of the guys running around calling themselves gurus did just that? They called themselves a guru, some dumbass believed and followed them and inadvertently gave them an alpha position and a shit load of confidence. The more followers they have, the more value they created in a woman’s eyes. So in essence their army of insecure rejects actually made them what they are.
Another thing was the advice being given. Go out sober, hit several clubs and try and hit on one new girl every 15 minutes. That way you rack up something like 40 new phone numbers a week. Well if you’re going to treat getting women like a sales campaign, it makes perfect sense that what many PUA’s assumed to be their methods working was actually just Zig Zigglar 101. Develop a ratio. If you approach a certain number of women, a ratio will start to develop. I have no problem with this advice, other than it’s a little desperate.
I felt like the Pick Up community was the answer to the Bro community. It was like a splinter group of nerds that went off to form an opposite click, but like the Bro community was still getting it half wrong. And after meeting quite a few of these nerdy revolutionaries I have to admit, I wasn’t impressed. I saw the same insecure adolescents who used to play World-Of-Warcraft in the lunchroom in college. Desperately clinging to a cool idea like they had discovered magic, dressed like they were going to a Comic-Con convention as a steampunk wizard.
Here’s a news flash kiddies, nothing is going to turn you into a pick up wizard.
Only delusion can do that, in which case you might need to seek out a psychiatrist.
One of the biggest factors in this whole pick up game is that nerds who were shy and dorky, are going out night after night and hitting on girl after girl, deluded by a false premise or mystical image in their head that cloaks them with the confidence that they are in this “secret society” of pickup artists. First of all, it’s not a secret, it’s just badly marketed. Second of all it’s quite literally the confidence that you gain by going out there and hitting on girls that slowly starts to change your attraction level in their eyes. And another thing, look at the top PUA’s in the world… They aren’t fat or dorky anymore are they? Sorry to ruin that for you guys. Dungeons and Dragons is a game, wrestling is fake, elves don’t exist, NLP isn’t magic, you can’t hypnotize the unwilling and pick up artists are using lines and tricks to give themselves a permission slip to develop confidence… and a lot of them in bad fashion.
I know what it feels like to be a little dorky. I was both fat and skinny in my youth and I had terribly awkward social skills. And I get that many of these guys have been treated like they didn’t exist by pretty women everywhere. I’ve been there. And I get the self-defeating attitude that manifests when a person thinks that because they are ugly, scrawny or fat, that it’s not a fixable disadvantage and that it may be easier to learn how to play women like a game than develop one-self. But women are human beings and approaching them in an adversarial way just isn’t cool.
I get that the temptation to stick it to them the way they ignored you may be appealing, however you will never become a true alpha male that way. You will only ever be at best an illusionist and at worst a liar. And there’s little distance between the two. That will only take you so far. Two wrongs don’t make a right and we all have to put in our work to create an advantage out of our disadvantages.
Now I’m not saying all PUA’s are sleaze bag’s and dirt balls. I’m sure there are plenty of good people in that community. Most of them were just shy and dorky, which is fine, but when they try and be cool and slick, it just comes off as sleazy. Again, I’m pretty judicious when it comes to all the social communities throughout this book. Be it hipster, bro, rocker (don’t even get me started with their sub-divisions) or your atypical social retard. If your aim is to become a better man then I’ve simplified that process for you and I think it would do you well to change how you title yourself. Because pick up artists, who aren’t seduction connoisseurs will be labeled with the rest if they continue to call themselves pick up artists.
Just like people who dress like alpha agro douche bags will also be wrongly associated with that counter-part. I offer that if your aim is get better at interacting with the opposite sex, and to build yourself into the best man you can be you might consider yourself a… Modern Male calling yourself a pick up artist is like saying “I’m good at tricking girls into sleeping with me.”
You want to be a douche but don’t call yourself anything other than a douche bag please.
And I don’t think it’s necessary to give yourself a misogynistic title to define your relationship with women.
A Pick Up Artist is the sleazy salesman in a room, the card shark at a casino, and the hustler in a pool hall. It’s the slick drug dealer or the gaudy misinformed douche bag. And as an official member of the pickup community you’re walking around with your Achilles heel exposed. Because all me, or anyone like me has to do is mention it and you’re blown. Why would this society of pick up artists need to be kept a secret if it were in a girl’s best interest? Conversely, I let every girl I came in contact with during the time I was writing this read it. The resounding response was “I would buy this for every guy I know.”
I’m actually quoting here. The fact that 90% of them said the EXACT same thing led me to believe that this book needed to get out and needed to be read.
What’s important to women isn’t always what’s important to men. For guys, a hot girl in sweat pants is enough. But would you still be attracted to her if she was annoying as fuck, masculine, overconfident, fat, hairy and smelly? No. If she lost the weight, shaved, showered, tailored up her social skills and acted more like a lady then you’d be all for it.
So how in heaven’s hell do you think a book full of trick’s, lines and seduction techniques’ is going to get you into bed with a girl, if you’re still socially retarded, insecure, fat, hairy, smelly and badly dressed? Sure, you can get by. A fat nasty chick has the same kind of success. When you’re drunk and she’s been on your ass all night, you finally concede and let her blow you. That’s what a lot of PUA’s are. The nasty bitch at a party someone decided to lower their standards for. And if that nasty bitch were at it every night, she’d probably think she was hot shit too.
But if you work on the real shit, your Methodology, The stuff every woman cares about. You’ll find yourself in a whole new league when it comes to women. I’m not saying after this is through you’ll be able to get any girl you want. But you will significantly up the caliber of women you date. And who knows, You may just end up with the woman of your dreams.
Has it been a smooth road?
No, It really hasn’t. Becoming a dating coach is difficult because it’s a relatively new profession. Often, I have to convince people that it’s actually a thing. “You’re like Hitch? Really? That exists?” “Yes, it does.” Aside from that helping people understand that they need someone like me was its own problem. Often, I get people who have done so much damage to a relationship they have literally nowhere else to turn.
They find me after tearfully scouring google for a solution on how to win their lover back. But I like impossible tasks. And there’s nothing more impossible than trying to fix someone’s relationship and help them win their ex back when they’ve done considerable damage, and you’re only working with one side of the argument. But again, pulling a win out of that can be a lot of fun. It’s a real challenge.
I also teach men general confidence and social skills in regards to approaching women.
And don’t get me wrong you can gain notoriety in the pickup world for that, but I wanted to distance myself from that. I never really connected with any of the other dating coaches. It was either wishy washy guru stuff, taught by some dude who reeked of patchouli no girl would ever want to date. Or some sleazy pickup guy who reeked of insecurity and bullshit. So, it was a difficult task blazing a new trail and creating new kind of brand that both men and women would equally respect.
We’d love to hear more about your business.
I started teaching men confidence and how to master approach anxiety. Really, it’s just teaching men how to feel comfortable and how to have a conversation with women. It seems simple, but there’s enough complexity to write an entire book about it. I try and take that complexity and boil it down to a few basics. Then we go to work. I’m really hands on. I like to teach while we are in motion and practicing the techniques. I’m also right there to demonstrate them in real time. I think that helps people retain the info. I’m very proud of the fact that people don’t need many sessions with me. I get them results very quickly.
The second aspect of my coaching is helping people win their ex’s back. Having been there myself, I know what that’s like. It’s heart wrenching. So, when people started asking for that, I developed a program for it. I’ll be publishing a book on it soon. It’s a damn near impossible task, and by the time I get the person they’ve already done so much damage. But I think that’s what I like about it. I’m like the quarterback coming in late that’s three scores behind with five minutes left in the game. I get to help them pull a win out of impossible odds. And it’s insane to me sometimes that it even happens.
Relationships take on patterns. It’s like the current of the ocean. You just wouldn’t know it until you’ve sailed enough times. I start getting instincts about things that turn out to be spot on. I’ve seen people crying their eyes out screaming “this is over!”, and three days later they are happily back together with their ex. I’m often able to predict these moments. I definitely love being able to say “I told ya so.” And I think that’s the only time in a person’s life they are desperate to be wrong and have someone gloat over them.
Is our city a good place to do what you do?
LA is a heavily populated city and people suck at dating. So you would think it’s the perfect place. Unfortunately, many people waste their good years with a “next man up” mentality. Most men won’t admit to needing coaching. And most women squander their 20’s and 30’s and end up asking for coaching when their dating pool has shrunken significantly. Combine that with an ultra picky society, with online apps that provide too many options, and a lack of introspection and self-development and you’ve got this wonderful city we call LA.
As for starting here. If you want to teach men how to talk to women you have no choice but to choose between LA / SF / SD / NYC / MIAMI. Helping people win their ex’s back can be done anywhere. But for those starting out I would caution that this job isn’t for everyone.
- $99 (Skype)
- $150 (In person)
- Website: ModernMaleInc.com
- Instagram: instagram.com/modernmaleinc
- Facebook: facebook.com/jerodwz
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/modern-male-dating-and-relationship-coaching-los-angeles-2?utm_campaign=www_business_share_popup&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=(direct)