Today we’d like to introduce you to Betsy LeFae.
Betsy, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
Growing up, I was told that I didn’t need a man for anything and that I would die without a “stable” job.
One of those is true.
I spent my twenties putting my psychology degree to good use as a social worker in NYC. At the same time, I alternated between attracting super controlling people, and people without a strong sense of self. I didn’t like either option in a romantic partner.
I loved the challenges and independence my work provided me, but my romantic life was… unsatisfying, to say the least. I would date one person, they would cheat, then I would close off my heart and try to mend it by dating multiple people. Over and over again.
I knew what I wanted: intimacy, support, and understanding. Oh, and guilt-free, fantastic sex. (I was raised Catholic – it didn’t stick.)
After discovering my intuitive gifts in my late 20s, I released my “stable” job and started a successful business using these gifts to support others. I am one of New York’s Top Psychics (named by Time Out New York) and in 2018 won the Best Psychic in NYC award.
When I met “The Wasband” as I call him (the guy I married and divorced), I was 31. I was tired of the same old bar scene and dating patterns I had fallen into. I was looking to connect with someone sexually and spiritually. I also wanted to start a family. I thought this man was the answer to what I had been seeking.
When we met, my business was thriving, and after a few years, I was making six figures with my coaching practice – teaching people how to trust their inner guidance. I just didn’t realize that my power and success felt threatening to The Was.
I grew up the youngest of three siblings, and so criticism wasn’t something new to me. I was used to it, I could take it. As a kid, I was taught to avoid conflict and hide away if someone was mean to me. All the modern-era talk from adults of “stand up for yourself” and “be a strong woman” was just… talk. In practice, I was just supposed to accept verbal abuse with a shrug.
So, when The Wasband criticized my hair, my body, the way I dressed, I took it. When he provided criticism in the form of business advice, I took it. This was the support and understanding I had been craving – right? Being a solo business owner was lonely, and his opinions – they didn’t feel good, but they felt like I wasn’t doing it all alone.
To avoid the conflict and the criticism, I started dressing differently, speaking differently, and isolating myself from my friends.
My business suffered. He had a business of his own, which he folded. He joined my business and asserted that he was a 50% partner. But he would criticize and diminish any new project before it ever came to life. It was as though I was supposed to be his teacher, but he couldn’t accept the role of student.
As for the rest of our marriage, it eventually came out that he was addicted to porn and didn’t love me completely. I had to hear that he actively hated parts of me and didn’t want to procreate with my genes. He didn’t want a lover, he wanted a mother. Yet it wasn’t until he said, “I only want to be married to you if we remain, business partners,” that I truly woke up.
I had survived without a stable job. But I had allowed this man to shake my confidence and deflate my business.
I always knew I didn’t need a man – but I had wanted one. Was it possible to reconcile a desire for a truly loving romantic partner with the thrill of being an empowered female entrepreneur? I left my marriage with this question – this hope – in mind
I wish I could say everyone rallied around me, but my family’s reaction? They told me they’d rather adopt The Wasband because he was “so good for me.” I had done such a good job hiding my suffering for the six years we were together that they had NO IDEA what was going on. They thought the changes in my personality, dress, and business were the results of aging. Like a dangerous snake, he had tightened his grip and suffocated my spirit slowly. I had barely noticed for so long, and people around me remained clueless.
Now, a few years since that marriage ended, I’ve rediscovered myself. I’ve once again created a thriving business and continue to create the life of my dreams. I’ve helped my clients -and myself – see that strong women can be in strong, nurturing relationships. I’ve seen new relationships manifest, and long-standing relationships become more meaningful for both partners. I’ve decided to focus my coaching exclusively on intimacy and partnership.
I’m happy to say I’m currently a Matriarchal Boss Babe here to create the Equalarchy. Now, I teach women in leadership how to have it all, from the boardroom, bedroom and beyond!
Has it been a smooth road?
Everything begins with trust.
I married a man I did not trust but had no idea I didn’t trust him!
Because I didn’t trust him I was never able to fully relax or surrender – as in let him take care of me. I don’t need a man, but it’s nice to have someone else take the wheel for a while. Whenever he’d try to do this I would fiercely resist, buy trying to take control, fighting, blaming or somehow escaping. I’m sure my behavior only exaggerated the unhealthy baggage he brought to the relationship.
No one taught me how to tell if someone was trustable. No one told me I had to trust myself first and then I could understand if someone else was trustable.
Now, I’m happy to share that if someone has substantial trust issues with someone else or many other people, it all starts with the self.
I wouldn’t recommend diving into any intimacy practices with a partner (long term or new) if you don’t trust the person, or do not know if you trust them.
My advice is to learn to trust yourself, then move forward from there.
This is my focus when working with women: learning to trust the self and learning how to know if someone is trustable. Once you find trustable partner, I can show you how to be super magnetic and attract fantastic sex and intimacy. It’s actually really fun!
Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
My background gives me a unique perspective and a huge advantage in my work.
I’ve got a BA in Psychology. I’ve spent ten years working as a Social Worker in NYC, and I’ve been self-employed as a Psychic and Intuition Coach for another ten years.
For over ten years my brand had been Trust Yourself. Everything I’ve been doing for the last ten years has been aimed at getting clients to understand their inner guidance and trust it.
Having an award-winning Psychic as a Coach has enormous benefits (I am one of NY’s Top Psychic’s named by Time Out New York and even though I reside on the West side of LA, I also won Best Psychic in Manhattan in 2018). When coaching, I am not giving a psychic reading, but I can sense many things an ordinary coach cannot. Most week’s my clients are blown away saying “How did you even know I needed help with that!?” or “That is the EXACT situation I am dealing with!”
I’m thrilled to bring in a second, deeper layer into the coaching work that builds on the first. Teaching people how to trust themselves is fantastic, but teaching polarity is paradigm shifting!
We are in a new place in history, one in which women are taking over leadership positions, making more money and are gaining in power and control. In 50 years, many predict women will be in the majority as leaders. This creates a problem in romance and intimacy. If women don’t need men, then what are men to do? Many women, like myself, were taught to be strong and that we don’t need a partner. And that is true. We make our own money and don’t even need a man to procreate. However, there is a part of us that does require a partner – our hearts.
I’m a Matriarch, here to usher in the Equalarchy (yes, I made that word up). And we cannot do this if half of the population is emasculating men.
Side note: I’m also super psyched to bring this work to the queer community. Not many people working in this intimacy/magnetism space can translate this to people in same-sex or queer relationships. I’m happy to say I’ve had great success in this area. Many clients report after just one coaching session (straight or gay, single or in a long term relationship), their romantic lives completely transform!
It’s essential to work and I’m very proud to offer it to other strong women.
Are there any apps, books, podcasts or other resources that you’ve benefited from using?
Some really good resources that have helped me are:
Make Every Man Want You by Marie Forleo
Anything by John Wineland or David Deida
Tarot for the Wild Soul podcast by Lindsay Mack – especially the Monthly Medicine episodes
Anything by David Elliot
- Website: www.betsylefae.com
- Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Instagram: @betsylefae
- Facebook: facebook.com/betsylefae