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Hidden Gems: Meet Abbe Feder of InCircle Fertility

Today we’d like to introduce you to Abbe Feder.

Hi Abbe, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
There are so many stories that make up “my story,” but starting with where I am today, how I got here, and why I love what I do, it’s because I was lucky to eventually be able to make lemonade out of lemons. I am the co-founder of InCircle Fertility, a fertility coaching practice where we ease the burden and lighten the load of the infertility experience for women and couples navigating the challenges of becoming parents. My business partner Sophie and I say that we are the coaches we wish we’d had throughout our own harrowing paths to parenthood.

I was one of the lucky ones, emerging on the other side of my infertility journey with twin babies in my arms. It took over six years, a lot of heartache, science, and love to get there, and I am acutely aware that not everyone is as fortunate. My husband and I did twelve rounds of medically assisted fertility treatment. There was so much failure, so much sadness: I suffered a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, a TMFR (termination for medical reasons), and we brought our marriage to the brink but managed to make it through.

I inadvertently became part of a community I had no interest in joining and now feel privileged to be a part of. Infertility warriors are fierce, loyal, and incredibly supportive.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
I moved to Los Angeles to go into – wait for it – acting. I went to Drama School in New York City, got one break, and thought it was my time to make it out west. I went on to marry a filmmaker in a classic Hollywood cliche, and I had so many varied “day jobs” along the way: waitress, personal assistant, sales, operations director, mentor leader with a youth non-profit…in some ways it felt all over the place, but the truth is that each and every step filled a different part of my soul.

Life starts to pass you by sometimes when you’re in the world of entertainment. You see friends and family pursuing the paths they started on when you set out to discover a creative life and you’ve chosen the risk over the sure(r) thing.

I mention all of this to say that there have been so many times in my life where I had to just be patient for what I wanted (I am a terribly impatient person!). I chose a career path with no guarantees, and then my path to parenthood provided the same uncertainty. It can be soul-crushing and make you forget why you wanted it all in the first place. But, along the way, it was always important to me to find work and relationships that brought joy and meaning, to fill the voids where I was otherwise left wishing and hoping, and to stay creative.

Thanks – so what else should our readers know about InCircle Fertility?
My business partner and I founded InCircle Fertility after emerging on the other side of all-consuming struggles with infertility and pregnancy loss. These experiences were life-altering and when the dust settled, it quickly became evident that the only possible next step was supporting others as they navigate this turbulent terrain. Combining professional expertise, industry know-how, and an abundance of empathy and compassion, InCircle Fertility is here to meet women and couples wherever they are in the world and wherever they are in their journey to parenthood to provide the support and guidance so desperately needed to find a resolution.

We offer a 30-minute connection call (on our website) to anyone going through it – we want to see if we can help you and if we’re a fit to share in the journey together.

What would you say have been one of the most important lessons you’ve learned?
Choose wisely – this goes for everything in life. It goes without saying that you want to choose a life partner who can be in the sh*ts of it with you. When we say “in sickness and in health…” We really don’t know what that’s going to entail, but a lot of the time it turns out harder than we even imagined.

But I’ve learned that this approach is actually helpful everywhere. I am so careful about how I spend my time. Especially throughout my infertility years, I wanted to be with people who made me feel energized, cared for, supported, and loved – not depleted or needy, which can be the default feelings while undergoing IVF. I wanted all of my friends and family to take me “in sickness and in health…” to help me weather the immense challenges I was facing.

Now that I have twins and my time is even more sacred, I focus on quality everywhere. I see lots of women saying “say no to people, places, and things that drain your energy…” but I don’t see them living that way. We are allowed to maintain boundaries, preserve mental health, and fuel ourselves with those who let us be our true selves and give love. I am committed to seeking that for myself and offering the same to my clients, my family, and my friends.

Contact Info:

Image Credits:

Headshots: Stephanie Girard Black and White family photo: Kim Silverstein
Abbe with her business partner, Sophie Dornstreich

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