Hope you caught part two of our collaboration with Platonic. In part three you’ll hear from Moni on Adulting in LA.
It’s a question I still ask people (in my head) who I think are super cool. I mean come on, “we clearly had a spark that’s worth exploring and I think we’d have a great time together getting to know each other on a deeper level and I truly think we can grow old together looking back on all of the memories that we shared over the years with the kids a la ‘How I Met Your Mother’ style” – yes this is 100% the pickup line I’d use on a potential future friend. If it sounds like I’m basically shooting my shot with bae versus a potential friend it’s because in theory… I am.
It wasn’t until I was smacking my head against my headboard laughing at something on Netflix and turned to my neighbor to share the laugh with when I remembered I was still lonely AF and only sharing a laugh with my curtains. I was 7 months into living on a new coast and I couldn’t figure out what was happening in my lapse of friendship forming because I usually crushed at forming bonds at school and was the joke machine/journalist everyone naturally attracted to at the work functions. One day a self-help blog or podcast or IG post or something (your girl needs hella help ppl!), made me realize that once you leave school and enter MTV’s “Real World” to foster friendships as an adult is basically synonymous with dating. In order to make friends as an adult you have to date them. Initially the thought seemed preposterous, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was completely true.
When a potential bae flakes on you on your first few dates – it’s a red flag – similar to when a potential new BFF does it too. They can’t be trusted and don’t value your time.
When a potential bae doesn’t communicate clearly – it’s a red flag – similar to when a potential new BFF does it too. They don’t know how to express themselves and don’t value your time.
When a potential bae ghosts you after a couple dope times together – they ran away with the red flag – similar to when a potential BFF does it too. They don’t value you, your time OR your figure – we both know you’re gonna visit Mr. Haagen-Dazs and Mrs. Hot Cheetos after this.
Since we’re not regularly forced to be around like minded people like the days of recess and proms past, connecting is a struggle. It’s depressing to want to connect with people and not have it reciprocated. I’d never want to put myself through the immense struggle of being new in a big city again; however, you and I both know the thrill of meeting someone new is still exhilarating – even if rejection is a real ass side effect. But. Like dating, it’s helpful to do some of the following to foster something real.
- Don’t be scared to reach out first. && maybe a follow up. –let’s be real. We’re all scared of being the needy/clingy one. If you’re potentially aware it might be you 9 times out of 10 it’s not. Clingy ppl are hardly self-aware. It’s okay to reach out first the first few times, especially if your schedules don’t align. It’s if you initiate the 3rd or 5th hang w/ no reciprocity that it might be time to move on.
- Don’t be shy about what does/doesn’t work for you. – sex jokes aren’t your thing? You’d prefer a 5-minute facetime versus texting novels? Express yourself and what form of communication works for you.
- Play the field! Just because you have a great connection w/ the 1st person you meet at happy hour, it doesn’t mean they’re the BFF. Go to some MeetUps, discover what’s poppin on Eventbrite, look into cool (sometimes free!) events your local paper or Facebook highlights that’d be interesting. You’re not gonna meet someone new on Netflix, so get up and get out there!
PS: I know what I’m talking about. I may or may not be a matchmaker w/ some great friends!
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